What if I don’t feel like writing today?
What if my temper flares up because I had set specific time in my schedule to watch an educational video that I’m dying to get the information from, and then somehow it cut out in the middle and I can’t figure out how to get it to restart and I’m going to have to watch it tomorrow, if that even works?
What if I keep finding lists of things I keep meaning to look up (Blendtech, American Museum of the Moving Image logo, KEXP bonus — words that start to sound ridiculous and non-languagy when I list them all?
What if I woke up too early and don’t know if I fell back to sleep before my otherwise ridiculously early alarm actually went off and I can’t tell if I’m well-rested or just always this way?
What if I keep feeling like I shouldn’t be checking my email this early in the morning but I’m trying to get organized and there are emails in my folder that have information I can use to get organized once I read them but then I’m going to see all the other shit I’m supposed to deal with?
What if I get an email about the upgrade from 6.8 to 6.9 but I can’t find out how to get that upgrade, even when I keep clicking the “click heres”?
What if I made all these deals with myself about my behavior and habits and I’m chafing at the choices I’m living with, as if I’m not the dictator responsible here?
What if, no matter how hard I try in my heart and my head, I can’t change my language from “cheat” to “choose” and a slice of buttered toast which sounds like it might soothe my soul and upset my stomach might be the only thing that can save me from a pit of despair, which I know isn’t true because that’s just emotional eating and I don’t do that shit any more, except when I do?
What if I keep trying to rewrite my home page to reflect a) the language that is most likely to attract customers and b) the advice I give my writing clients, and I really need to get some outside eyes on my writing and I just don’t know who to ask or hire?
What if I just watch a little TV, or take a walk, or read a little bit, or have some tea, since I’m not a meditator person and those are all methods of resetting my brain?
What if I just let myself go a little bit, unclench and maybe even stare off into space, doing absolutely nothing at all because nothing is more important than getting back to equilibrium because it’s too early in the morning to write the whole day off?
What would you do if you were me?
What would you do if I were you?