In 2008, I had my palm read. Here are the notes from that reading, along with my current understanding (if any) of them.

Need to control anger while directing

This probably goes without saying. When I’m being directed, anger never helps me act better. When I read about weird genius directors who manipulate actors emotionally, I wonder how that could be productive creatively.

Gap between spirit and heart lines

This is intriguing, and I have no idea what it meant to me at the time. I’ve been a member of a spiritually-oriented group of entrepreneurs, and I find myself on the less-spiritual end of the spectrum, less interested in delving into the unseen world than hanging out in the material world, the life I know I’m part of now rather than some intangible elsewhere. At the same time, I believe rationally that there are unseen elements at work in life, and I hate rational atheism. I don’t feel spirituality as lacking, but my hand shows something missing?

Ask spirit for connection before performance, ask to be filled with spirit.

Given the gap above, I’m not sure what I would be doing with this. But focusing before performance, letting go, opening up to the moment — these I’m equipped to do.

Don’t be afraid of selling out.

I’m so here and have been for a long time. When I think about the harm that might come from selling out, I see instead the value of using a boatload of money and recognition as a launching point for doing something bigger and closer to the heart. Once in a while, an advertising campaign ruins a song (Gershwin’s “Rhapsody in Blue” co-opted by United Airlines comes to mind), but if I could sell out, I would do so in order to be free to make more art.

Deal with depression by taking art to the dark side; this is something I can see how to do, and I can show others.

This was perhaps the most advice-y thing I got from this reading, and I like it. Even in my business, I go darker than many, and I’ve been advised not to be so scary at the outset, but I do think I have something to share in terms of my ability to live in the depths.

Not everyone will like me for taking them to the dark side. I’ll just have to live with it.

I’m so much better than I’ve ever been with not being liked. Except for that one puzzling personal relationship, but I’m pretty sure I’m making that dislike up. In general, though, being disliked seems to me a sign of getting closer to saying what is true, and giving others a reason to draw a line.

Remember: I’m the only one who sees the movie instantaneously from beginning to end. I need to show patience to those outside of my head. Listen to them. Tell them exactly what I want, then if I don’t get what I’m asking for, ask what is preventing them from giving it to me and work on fixing that.

This came out as a piece of advice that blended my teaching and directing. It also applies to my relationships, as I frequently find myself skipping over niceties to complain about what I’m not getting from others. Luckily, I have a forgiving husband who teaches me over and over the beauty of extra words and leading gently into a topic. Whenever I apply this advice, I get closer to truth and true intimacy.

I’m revisiting this list in part because I had a sick day today and I needed something simple to write about in time to publish, having slept most of the day away. But it’s good to spend time with old advice and see what is still relevant and what no longer speaks to me. Like this final note:

We fell in love like a bolt out of the blue. Stomach pain — knew I had to go forward. So, anyway, you want to try a spa for spiritual cleansing (change of subject; man on ex-wife)

I think this may have come less from the reading than my thoughts about the reading, which is where the title came from. Every once in a while I find a creative nugget I wrote a note about that fails to trigger the same set of connections and importance it once did. That’s one reason I don’t regularly “keep a notebook“: I need to strike the inspiration while it is still hot.

Look for my final post in the series, “What I’ve Learned from Writing 90 Posts in 90 Days.,” coming in just a couple days.