Often, writer’s block happens to you because somewhere in your work you’ve lied to yourself and your subconscious won’t let you go any further until you’ve gone back, erased the lie, stated the truth and started over.
— Jose Rivera, References to Salvador Dali Make Me Hot
Part of me thinks I’ve run out of things to say, and part of me thinks I just need to push myself deeper under water.
Writing and publishing every day means I have to think on my feet, dance lightly on my feet, worry less about the impression my foot makes than the steps I must take.
On vacation, the daily writing became the one thing I wanted to do that took me out of the presence of another city. I also spent time walking while looking at my phone, which was helpful yet so distracting. Even taking photos kept me from being in the moment.
Some days the ideas would come easily and some days they wouldn’t. I’m a bit underslept; no matter how late I turn off the light I am wide awake by 6:30 and often by 5:30. And it wasn’t that I was partying all night. Not ALL night.
Traveling, going Somewhere Else, creates an intensified attention to the mundane. I would see people walking down the street, and think, “People are less self-conscious here than in Seattle,” then immediately revise that: “I think people are more self-conscious when I’m walking around Seattle because I’m more self-conscious, more aware that at home someone I know could pop out at any time.”
I like travel thoughts, and I usually like plane thoughts, but today my tired mind is having trouble developing the starting points.
Here are some random observations I’ve spent the last couple hours trying to shape:
- Lack of planning on a daily basis made for a fun and freeing vacation. One overall goal in direction is more fun for me than sticking to a schedule of activities.
- Anybody who judges what I put into my body can go stuff themselves. That includes me. But eating whatever I see in front of me isn’t as much fun these days as it once was. Neither is eating bread really fast.
- S. is very good at saying things that are unquestionably unquestionable but I always hear an unspoken meaning. I create an unspoken meaning, speak it, and if my marriage were any other relationship I’d had, we’d start fighting over that.
- My problem with “why” questions is that causes are not as interesting to me as effects. Answering a “why” question can lead to meta-argumentation, and I try to be done with that.
- Going to NYC is exhausting. Going to SF makes me feel much more relaxed and under less pressure to take advantage of where I am. Could be a second city thing.
- I’d rather travel one-on-one with family members than en masse, in the same way I’d rather have one-on-one conversations than go to pulsating parties.
- Mad Max: Fury Road is the story of Furiosa, not Mad Max. And who is that actor, anyway?
If any of these topics grabs you, please let me know — and stay tuned, because when I recover from my vacation, I’ll be able to attack one of them with more honesty and insight.